Twilight
by Yaoi Banshee of Death
Summary: ...There was still a part of him that the darkness hadn't touched, a part of him that was still Riku, and he wanted me to save him from himself. But I didn't." Post-game angst from Sora's POV. Kind of SoraRiku, but not quite; works either way


**AN****/ Summary:  **Um, yes.  My first KH fic, from Sora's POV, though I think that becomes somewhat obvious as it goes on.  Sort of a prelude to KH II and Chain of Memories, focusing more on what's going on in Sora's head after the end of the first game.  Contains a bit of Sora/Riku-ness, but it actually came across as more of a friendship kind of thing, so whatever.  If you look for it like I do, it's definitely there, but if not, you should still be able to enjoy this.  And if you really don't give a damn one way or the other, read it anyway, just for the hell of it.  That being said, have fun.  Oh, and reviews are always nice.   

**~ **Twilight ~****

                The boards creak under my shoes and I can't help but smile to myself.  I knew I'd find him here.

                I guess he heard me coming because he turns to look at me before I reach "his" tree.  He doesn't look surprised at all.  Figures.

                "Hey."

                I grin in response, earning a half-smile and a small shake of his head before he turns back to the sunset in front of us.

                "How can you be so happy all the time?" he teases.  I shrug and climb up to sit next to him.

                "I don't know.  It's better than being sad, right?"  He laughs.

                "Yeah, I guess it is."

                He's quiet for a few seconds and we just sit there.  It's nice, just the two of us; like it used to be.  No offense to Tidus and the others, but Riku was still my best friend, and it was nice to just be around him, not competing or showing off.

                I glance at him and his eyes seem far away.  I know that look.

                "What are you thinking about?"

                He blinks and looks at me, like he forgot I was here.  Heh, I knew it.

                "Nothing."  He shakes his head again.  I make a face.

                "Riku…"

                "You're pouting again, you know."  He smirks at me.

                "So?"  I'll pout all I want.  He chuckles and continues to ignore me.  "Come on, Riku, tell me."

                "It's nothing, really.  It just seems like something so big couldn't be meant just for us, you know?"  He gestures towards the ocean, the sun slowly sinking behind it.  "There has to be more to it; something we can't see."

                I'm a little confused.  "What do you mean?"

                He makes a noise like he doesn't quite know how to explain it.

                "Well… There has to be some reason why we're here, right?  I mean _right here, instead of somewhere else?"  He looks at me, trying to see if I'm following him._

                "I guess."  He nods and continues.

                "But if we're here, who's to say we couldn't have just as easily ended up someplace completely different?  Because there has to be more out there than this island; it wouldn't make sense if there wasn't."

                I think I understand, but if what he was saying was true, then…

                "So… What exactly do you think is out there?"

                He shrugs.  "I don't know.  It could be anything.  Or everything.  But I think…  I think it would be kind of pointless to find out if there was nobody there with you."

                He got quiet again, and I thought about what he said.  The sun was almost completely below the horizon now, its dying rays making patterns on the water.

                "I'd go with you."

All of a sudden I was awake, back on the cold, hard ground.  There was no more sunset, no more ocean, and no more Riku.  Just darkness and silence.  Like always.

                I shut my eyes tight against the sudden sting of tears.  I was _not going to cry, damn it.  Not again.  Because this time I'm not sure I'd be able to stop._

                I take a few shaky deep breaths and force down the lump in my throat.  Damn it.  I'm supposed to be stronger than this.  Or so I'm told.

                I open my eyes and stare off into the darkness of our tent.  At least I didn't wake them up.  If they saw me like this I'd never hear the end of it.  They're already worried about me, though I guess I can't really blame them.

                I sigh and shift onto my back, knowing that I probably won't get anymore sleep tonight.  Just like all the other nights when I dream about him.

                They're fairly regular, those dreams, though they're more like memories, really.  Most of them were just us doing simple things, back before this whole mess, back when we only fought each other for fun.  And I've had them almost every night since… since I lost him.  It's almost like he doesn't even exist anymore, and all I have are those stupid dreams.

                But I know that's not right; I know he's still there, somewhere.  Even if it's somewhere where I can't hear his voice.  Because that was what he had always believed, wasn't it?  That there was always more than what we could see.  God, I hope so, because right now, all I can see is black.

                And the worst part is, it's my fault.  Sure, Riku made his mistakes, but I was the one who let it happen.  I was supposed to be his best friend, but I couldn't even reach out and take his hand.  Why?  Because I was too fucking scared, that's why.

                He had always been the strong one, at least on the outside.  It never even occurred to me that no one, not even Riku, could keep that up forever.  That maybe, just maybe, he wasn't perfect.  I depended on his strength, figured that he would always be there if I needed him.  But when was I ever there for him?

                How many times had he come to me, asking me to join him, to help him?  But I refused.  I was too busy playing the hero, and he had become the bad guy.  And I just accepted it.  I fought him without a second thought, because now he was on the wrong side.  Some friend I am.

                And all those times he asked me, it wasn't because those were his orders; he could have killed me easily if that was what he wanted.  But it wasn't.  It was because there was still a part of him that the darkness hadn't touched, a part of him that was still Riku, and he wanted me to save him from himself.  But I didn't.  The whole time, he had been asking me for help, and what did I do?  I turned around and stabbed him in the back.

                I'm such a bastard.  Here I am, "protector of the light", supposed to be all innocent and pure, and all that other crap.  But I'm not.  I'm no hero.  The only reason I was able to do what I did was because I had help from my friends, and he helped me more than anyone else.

                Even when his heart was manipulated and consumed by the darkness, I could still hear his voice telling me not to give up.  That's what gave me my strength; not some stupid Keyblade.  And yet, even after he sacrificed everything he had to save us, I still end up taking all the credit.  Because I'm the "Keyblade Master."  That name makes me want to puke.

                What the hell good is saving the world when the people you care about most aren't in it?  And what does it matter when you save people you don't even know, if you can't save your best friend?  It's pointless.  Absolutely pointless.

                Who knows?  Maybe this whole damn thing was pointless.  Maybe it was all just one big, sick joke.  Too bad I'm not laughing anymore.  And somehow I don't think Riku would find it very funny, either.

                But he's not here, is he?  And guess who we have to thank for that…

                I swear, I hate myself sometimes, I really do.  Sometimes I wish that I had just given up; stopped caring; let the darkness take me.  And sometimes I seriously wish that destiny would just go fuck itself and leave me the hell alone; let somebody else take care of it.  But that's all they are: wishes.  Worthless and empty.  Just like me.

                It's getting lighter in the tent; the sun's coming up, or it will be soon.  It'll be at least another hour before the other two get up, though.  And then the mask goes back on.  "No sad faces…"

                I sigh again and roll over onto my side, away from my sleeping companions.  Even in my head, it still feels wrong to call them 'my friends' after what I did to Riku.  No matter what that evil bitch told him or what he believed, those two could never replace him.  Never.

                I can see a bit of the outside through the partially open tent flap.  I always leave it open just a little, no matter how cold or nasty the weather is.  For some reason it just bothers me to have it closed all the way.  Maybe I am going crazy.  But you know what?  I don't really care.

                There's a thin layer of mist on the ground, and everything is calm and peaceful in the faint gray morning light, just before dawn.  The stars are already fading as the sky is slowly growing more orange, and I can tell it's going to be a great day for traveling.  It's almost perfect.  Almost.  Still, it'll be a beautiful sunrise.  Maybe I'll go watch it, if I decide to actually get up.

_Utter silence, a world without you_

I can't forget everything that's happened; I'll always have those memories, whether I want them or not.  And I can't forgive myself either; or at least, not yet.  But I might still have a chance to fix things, to make everything right again.  So… I have to keep going.  I owe Riku that much, if nothing else.  I owe it to him, and… maybe, I owe it to myself.  And I swear I'll find him, no matter what it takes.  I _will get him back, even if it kills me._

I crawl out of the tent and stand up, the grass wet beneath my bare feet; just in time to see the first glimpse of the sun rise above the mountains.

~ Owari ~

**End Note:  Yes, the ending was cheesy and sappy and blah, blah, blah; but you know what?  I don't care, because I like it, and I honestly don't think Sora would be the kind of person to just completely give up.  Of course, the fact that I like it probably means that it's absolute crap, but that's okay.  And I think I'm done now. **


End file.
